Poetic language, use of metaphor, and an innovative structure highlight Sanford's essay  "Astronomy 111: Grief and Memory," a moving tribute to her son.

Juxtaposing excerpts from her son Kirk's astronomy notebook with her own reflective memories, Sanford demonstrates the experimental possibilities of creative nonfiction. "I actually didn't change my son's notes.  I excerpted some, of course left out many things, but I kept the chronology and just reflected off of those."

This segmented form was exciting for Sanford to work with.  "I felt as if I had found something that was exactly right for me and not just for writing about my son's death.  Something deeper, something kind of feminine.  A woman balances so many things - you have your work, your children, your husband, your friends.  You're constantly taking all of those strands and making a life out of them.  In some of my essays I work with maybe three or four strands - maybe journal entries, an ongoing action, a reflective memory.  The challenge is getting through the transitions."

Sanford extracts powerful metaphors from the notebook, which serve as leaping off points. An excerpt mentions "White dwarf stars" which triggers: Dwarf. Imp. Troll.  "When Kirk was placed in my arms brand new I was surprised to find he wasn't beautiful in the same way his older brother was." For Sanford, the imagery was right there. "I've been a poet for a long time and was very aware that the metaphors were coming fast.  And really, with Kirk being a pilot, the connection with the world of astronomy was so strong.   All the metaphors really jumped to that piece; they were almost handed to me."

Creating a balance between the personal and informational was important. "I knew as I wrote this that I needed factual stuff to balance the intense emotional, to make it bearable for the reader.  And I just played the two off each other."  A former English professor, Sanford incorporated her knowledge of myth and poetry to enhance the text.  "The factual material helped keep me going. I was weeping as I wrote it, as you can imagine."

The notebook excerpts provide characterization, conveying a strong sense of Kirk's passion and enthusiasm for astronomy. "When I read Kirk's own handwriting and his own voice coming through, I realized it was important to keep that voice. The exclamation points were enhancing the experience.  I thought about taking them out because typically we don't think about them enhancing writing.  But then I thought no.  These are the actual thoughts of a person and they do convey personality."

Sanford wrote the essay in approximately three nights.  "This was an essay that was just in me when I sat down to write.  I didn't do much revision, but that isn't typical."

As Sanford neared the end of the chronology of Kirk's notebook, she became concerned how she would end the essay. "Then I read "Possible test questions. Where are we?  Is there life in the atmosphere?  What is the overall structure of the universe? Why do stars get old and eventually die? And I thought, Oh my gosh, here it is.  And I wrote,  I'll take the test Kirk.  Of course, I still had to put a clincher on the ending, so I just went back to the beginning."

After Kirk's death, Sanford wrote many poems but then she turned to creative nonfiction because "I had so much more I wanted to say. Often in poetry, we do things more obliquely to get at a deeper truth, but I found I needed to use a stronger voice to tell these things."

Sanford sees a good future for all the various sub-genres that fall beneath the umbrella of creative nonfiction.  "As people mature, especially the babyboomers, they want that voice of experience, they want to hear how it has been for someone else.  I would like to think that maybe I opened a little door for anyone who reads my essay in terms of grief. It starts out in great pain, but I hope it takes the reader through depression and agony to a place where you know a better thing is coming."




Stephanie Susnjara